day one

To Whom it may concern... That means you, if you can read this... I mean, if it is in your own language and you can understand what I am trying to write... Because... oh.. forget it... I mean... The chances of this record actually making it out of this place without being destroyed are phenomenal by itself... perhaps improbability will be on my side. Perhaps if you actually have this record in your possession then perhaps by sheer improbability it will also be written in the language that you can understand... But again I ramble.

I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Mad Melvin. There exists a white box with padded walls, it is where I reside, myself and my three companions. They are called Psycho Phillip, Crazy Larry, and Igath the caveman. The white box is no mere white box. Occasionally men come into the white box, but it is never the same men, I am sure of it. Crazy Larry thinks that they are the same men but I know better, they all where the same mask. Again, I ramble. The men with masks are not what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to tell you about the White Box. It is no ordinary white box. When the masked men leave, the box disappears. Ask Crazy Larry.. he will tell you. Or better yet, you might get something more intelligible out of Igath. It depends on the day. You see, some days Larry can speak just fine like any one else (except Psycho Phillip of course, communicating with him is like a game of charades on steroids) but on other days Larry just grunts and only says a few words.

So ask Larry and Igath and they will tell you that when the masked men leave, the box disappears, sometimes all at once, sometimes it is slow, like a pinhole in one wall that suddenly we shrink down into. We all have different names for this box, I call it the Never Realm. On a good day Larry called it a Void, and Igath has referred to it as Purge once, I am not sure why he chose that name for the box. But he seems to be adamant that this is the name of the box we live in. Again I ramble.

What happens when the box disappears is what I want to talk about. You see, The Never Realm is a whole universe, inescapable, filled with chaos. On a daily basis, the universe is destroyed and created again. Some days it is created in continuation of the day before, other days it is the same as though nothing before existed, and still other days the universe will be created complete with a back story, the people will remember all sorts of things that happened before but we know, because we were there, that the previous day, they didn't exist.

Some days, the universe that is created is amazingly entertaining, some days it is scary, some days, it is just plain confusing, some days are utterly boring as we float through a gross mass of uniform goo. It took a long time but I bartered with the masked men and with the never realm itself and I have obtained material on which to write, material which you now have in your possession if all goes well. I have set fort on these pages a few memories of good days in the Never Realm, where things that happened have really surprised me and I just felt that I should make a record about such things.

Before I begin though, I would like to just say that I am sorry if this record is not to your liking. It will probably be only half as fun for you to read this record as it was for me to write the record. Words alone can not really describe what goes on in the Never Realm because words are weak. And so, for the sake of enjoyment, you will only get out of this experience what you put into it with your own imagination. With that in mind I think I shall tell you of the days of the bearded lady.

The Bearded lady has actually been a regular creation of the Never Realm, If the Never Realm were a living person I would say that they like the Bearded lady... Well, actually I might not be too far off on that, But I will speak on that another day. Sometimes the Bearded lady would appear by herself, sometimes among a whole crew of Bearded women, Most often however she would show up in a specific crew, with the Strong Man, the Siamese Twins, the Wild Man, and the Psychic.

My three companions and I stumbled upon the Bearded lady one such day when she was with this particular crew. The Never Realm some days will make our presence known to the people, some days it is selective, only certain people will see us, while other days we are completely incapable of interacting with the inhabitants. This was one of those days where all we could do is watch.

The group was performing various exercises in a wilderness area as they talked, The strong man was, as far as we could tell, practicing the ability to be... oh what is the word... dainty... delicate perhaps... gentle... that is most likely the closest I could describe it. He was drinking tea like a proper fellow, pinky outstretched and all. They were talking mostly of their plans to sneak into the castle of someone they referred to as Lord Chesapeake. From what we could infer, Chesapeake was not a nice man and had for some time been terrorizing the local farmers, imposing on them quotas of vegetable production, abusing their livestock, forcing them off their land if they couldn't meet his demands.

Their conversation went something like this.

"Sit strait Rupert" The Psychic said to the Strong man as he sat in the crude chair that was too small for him.

"It's got no back Willia." Said the Strong Man back.

"All the better to practice with Rupert." Said the Bearded lady.

"Would you shut it Deedra, You and Willia, you are enough to drive me crazy. keep this up and I will rip your whiskers out Dee."

The Bearded lady winced at the threat. The Siamese twins sighed, "Looks like you are getting too worked up over this." said one of the twins, "Yeah, we should all cool it, we need to remember how important our task is. Rupert you and Willia are the only ones who stand any chance of getting to Chesapeake under disguise. Ruth and I would never make it, I don't know if you noticed, but we kind of stick out like a two headed person here. Deedra would raise questions about mid day when her five o'clock shadow appears again. And Jax... Well..." Everyone looked at Jax who was passionately scratching his rear end with both hands.

Jax looked up to notice that everyone was staring at him. At this point Igath laughed really hard which distracted all of us. He kept pointing at Jax and then pointing at himself and saying "Me Too..."

When we finally got him calmed down and could hear the group again talking about the disguises. It seems like the group had been an irritant for Lord Chesapeake and that he had put out a bounty on their heads but didn't have enough description of them other than the Bearded lady and the Siamese Twins.

Soon enough Rupert and Willia were on the way to the castle of Lord Chesapeake. Seeing as how the Bearded lady could do little more in this story I went to watch Rupert and Willia and oohh.. one moment the masked men are coming in, it looks like it is time to sleep. I shall continue my writing on another day when the Never Realm creates some place boring.